He is spotted frequently wandering Scholars Hall and the Innovation Center. However, every sighting is followed by a mystery. It is almost like he vanishes out of thin air. He is everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time.

 

If you have not figured it out already, I am talking about the legendary Jacob Wheeler (pronounced Yah-cub). Wheeler is the faculty advisor to the White Pine Press, the editor of the Glen Arbor Sun, an adjunct instructor at NMC, and a father of two. He always seems like he is everywhere at once. Many have marveled at the question: how does he do it all?

 

The truth began to emerge when a White Pine Press reporter noticed something odd.

 

“I was talking to Jacob in the Innovation Center, right?” said Jace Dunlap, “And then I look behind him, and I see another Jacob. I thought I was losing my mind.”

 

Dunlap has observed Wheeler’s strange behavior, but did not think much of it.

 

“He’s a busy guy,” Dunlap said, “I always choked it down to ‘he’s got places to be,’ and that’s why he seems like he’s everywhere all at once.”

 

However, Dunlap could not help but suspect something else was going on. This was all but confirmed after a photo was taken of Wheeler during the White Pine Press trip to San Francisco. Upon inspection of the photo, Dunlap noted an obvious glitching effect on Wheeler’s face.

 

“That was the moment I knew I had discovered something huge,” Dunlap said.

 

Finally, Dunlap had enough. He poked Wheeler on the shoulder, and Dunlap’s hand went right through the hologram that he thought was Jacob Wheeler.

 

The White Pine Press, after much convincing, got to meet and interview the real Jacob.

 

For clarity, I will be referring to the real Jacob as “Real Jacob,” the White Pine Press hologram Jacob as “Jacob 1,” the Glen Arbor Sun hologram Jacob as “Jacob 2,” and the adjunct professor Jacob as “Jacob 3.”

 

Real Jacob spends his entire life at home, hanging out with his wife and kids. From his livingroom, he controls three holograms, one for each of his jobs.

 

“I did try to do everything at once,” Real Jacob said, “However, it began to take a toll on my mental health.”

 

Real Jacob described a life so full of journalism that he lost his own identity.

 

“People noticed me talking to myself constantly. My entire brain was leads and nutgraphs. My life was leads and nutgraphs. I knew nothing else.”

 

Dunlap’s discovery of the holograms was a complete shock to Real Jacob, who had been keeping up the ruse for years.

 

“Ideally, I am careful about not overlapping my tasks in the same area,” Real Jacob said, “That day was a huge mistake.”

 

Now that his cover is blown, Real Jacob is struggling with how to proceed.

 

“As a journalist, you want to create trust in your work,” he said, “That is kind of hard when people realize the person they have been interviewed by is a hologram.”

 

When asked about his somewhat ever-present and somewhat ever-elusive nature, Jacob had a simple explanation.

 

“Well, the reason I seemingly disappear is that I simply turn off the hologram when my task is done,” Real Jacob explained, “I can be at three places at once sometimes and nowhere to be seen other times. It depends on the day.”

 

When pressed for comment, Real Jacob’s supervisor, Michael Anderson, said he knew the entire time.

 

“I have had a few holograms myself, to be completely honest,” Anderson said, “It’s a tempting practice when you have a lot of responsibilities.”

 

Real Jacob, despite outrage over his undisclosed hologram use, will continue to use them.

 

“I understand the concern, but I don’t believe it should affect how people view me,” he said, “I listen to and control every conversation I have with others using my holograms.”

 

In a statement, NMC said, “We are currently investigating the actions of the White Pine Press advisor. We have reason to believe that Wheeler broke NMC policy by innovating without using AI, the coolest technology ever.”

 

This is true. Real Jacob did not use AI in the creation of his holograms, which is what most of the NMC community assumed. 

 

“I did it the old-fashioned way: scissors, tape, and a love for life’s journey,” Real Jacob explained.