Swoop Tries to Organize Protest Against New NMC Birdhouse

Swoop has been a central feature of NMC for longer than students and staff can remember. Within the past month, the Halk Owl’s identity was crushed under Tits and Boobie. 

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After losing the battle for better housing to a new Tit and Boobie enclosure, Swoop was heartbroken. “Swoop has been the representative for NMC for Swoop's entire

life. Swoop feels like Swoop's family has abandoned Swoop.”

 

Swoop fell into a depressive episode for hours soon after. Her social media presence increased with stories captioned “Swoop forgives, but never forgets.”

 

After a lack of public concern for Swoop's well-being following the breakup, she focused on a new look. Swoop began investing in her physical health and being a gym influencer. She posted daily workout pics from the North Hall, consistently commenting to other gym goers that she was only here because her forced relocation forced her to literally be more down to earth.

 

A day later, the Hawk Owl was spotted taking up residence in the Innovation Center. Varying sources have spotted her staring aimlessly at a laptop that is far beyond her computer comprehension. 

 

After a couple of days, Swoop commented: “Swoop has been finding Swoop’s inner Swoop because there is a better Swoop in Swoop somewhere.” With a new “clean girl” look, Swoop now parades herself around campus. Often walking through the Tanis building with elegant hair bows, and mental health books preaching about how she has overcome the great struggles since being cast aside.