NMC’s latest institutional venture has managed to unite students, divide the campus, and deeply offend the college’s own mascot–all while introducing a new, controversial academic focus.

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On Feb. 25, NMC informed all students in East Hall that they needed to vacate the building by March 4, so they could transform it into a large-scale bird enclosure. 

 

This news came with basically no warning from the administration and hardly any explanation, and students questioned if the administration was playing some cruel prank or if they had simply lost their minds.

 

One student said, in an interview with the White Pine Press, “What kind of college kicks students out of the living arrangements they built for them, and expects them to move out immediately?” 

 

“What are they gonna do if I don’t move, remove me by force?” Another student exclaimed. “If so, where is my refund on my deposit?”

 

In response, Swoop informed the students via her social media account that the enclosure was probably for her. To which the public responded with more understanding and willingness to move on and let the issue go. However, the NMC account commented, “It’s not for Swoop, we have other plans for this venture, and you’ll hear news of it soon.”

 

On Feb. 27, the news that everyone had been anxiously anticipating was finally published in the NMC newsletter. It confirmed that East Hall was indeed being remodeled and presented their solution for the students in East Hall: temporary facility reassignments and refunding their housing deposit.

 

This meant that some dorms in North Hall would have to house an extra student or two. Additionally, some study rooms in the Innovation Center would house students based on necessity.

 

But more importantly, the article finally revealed what the intended use for the bird enclosure was: to house various varieties of Tit and Boobie birds. 

Though they said they couldn’t house every variety. So in order to make a decision, they put a QR code at the bottom of the article for students to select their favorite Tit and Boobie.

 

This information came as a shock to everyone, but it hit Swoop the hardest.

 

In an interview with the White Pine Press, Swoop–NMC’s iconic mascot–said: “Swoop thought that NMC was finally giving Swoop the recognition and accommodations that Swoop deserves.” She added solemnly, “Swoop was wrong.”

 

Not long after, news of the chosen Tits and Boobies was posted on NMC’s social media pages. It reads: “The public has spoken, so let’s welcome our new feathery friends the Tit Family and Boobie Bunch!” In the “Tit Family,” will be the Great Tit, Crested Tit, Bearded Tit, and Willow Tit, and in the “Boobie Bunch” will be the Blue Footed Boobie, Red Footed Boobie, Abottos Boobie, and Masked Boobie. 

 

In response, Swoop significantly increased her posting frequency, urging students to fight for her prospective home. This sparked campus-wide protests, and students quickly picked sides as Swoop made it clear that it was the Tits and Boobies, or her. 

 

A student who happily accepted the temporary housing in the Innovation Center said, “What’s to choose? Tits are obviously superior.” However, not everybody thought the same, and East Hall was swarmed with protestors expressing just that.

 

“I can’t believe they’re tossing Swoop to the side,” said a student protestor outside East Hall. “She’s the only icon fit to represent us.”

 

Alas, the saga continued when NMC advertised a new program on their website: Applied Tit and Boobie Science, which typically includes avian biology, poultry management, diseases, behavior, and conservation. 

 

This program will not only bring a unique field of study to NMC, but it will also include new certifications called the Certificate of Boobies and the Certificate of Tits and Boobies. The criteria for certification are as follows: surveillance and observation of the Boobies and Tits, managing the diets of the Boobies and Tits, and studying the genetics and reproduction of the Boobies and Tits.

 

“I mean, I signed up for the Certificate of Boobies the second I saw it,” said one freshman. “It just felt like the right move academically.”

 

NMC officials said any remaining questions or concerns should be directed to Jack Dong, the newly appointed head of the Department of Applied Tit and Boobie Science.

 

When asked why Tits and Boobies were chosen over other birds, Dong said the species offered “unique opportunities for hands-on observation and research.”

He also assured students that the new program would prepare them for “specialized careers involving Tit and Boobie management.”

 

Protests outside of East Hall continue, though their numbers dwindle every day as more and more students come around to the idea of Tit and Boobie inclusion. 

 

“Sure, I got moved out of East Hall,” one displaced resident said, “but now I get to tell people I sacrificed my housing for the advancement of Tit and Boobie Science.”

 

Honestly, I think it’s cool,” said sophomore Brittney Hart, “You don’t get the chance to study tits and boobies this up close at most community colleges.”

 

As there are not enough students protesting to hinder construction, the plans for remodeling have been set in motion, and Dong anticipates it will be finished by the fall of 2026, so the program will be ready to accept applicants.

 

In the days following the announcement, Swoop continued posting frequently across social media platforms, alternating between expressions of outrage and what some students describe as “concerningly cryptic” messages.

 

Several of the posts appeared to reference betrayal and perseverance, including captions such as “Loyalty isn’t given, it’s shown” and “Real ones remember who stood by them.” 

 

Some students have begun to express concern about the mascot’s well-being. 

 

“At first it was funny,” said one student. “But after the fifth ‘wolves travel alone’ post, it started to feel like Swoop might actually be going through something.”

It’s important to note that while the White Pine Press is an unbiased news source and refuses to take a stance on most issues, we side with Swoop.